I am a dreamer. Always have been… But lately my dreams have taken on a different shape. A new focus and clear destination. I have this dream that has become a promise from the Lord. It has shaken me. Invigorated me. And completely devastated me from the inside out, renewing areas that were previously dormant and redirecting aspects that were out of control.
We all have dreams. Goals. Hopes. Ambitions. Most of the time we aren’t sure how to begin. The destination becomes the focus and can be daunting, seemingly impossible… but the point of the dream often times is not the destination to be achieved, but the process of the journey in which we take to get there. It’s a journey of discovery. Discovery of aspects of ourselves and our Lord.
This past Spring the Lord began to sow in me a desire to write. I had begun blogs before, but the intent was very different. Before it was about information. Now, it’s about sharing myself. Sharing Him. It’s about answering a calling. Fulfilling a vision. It’s not about my ultimate desired destination to publish a book and speak around the world about Jesus. It’s about doing all the same things I would in that desired position NOW, with what the Lord has given me NOW. Sharing His love. Sharing His life. Sharing His desires for His children. Listening. Hearing and obeying when it may not make sense for the moment.
An interesting aspect of my journey toward this dream is the release He has encouraged. I mistakenly began confident…in myself…because I knew the Lord was ordaining this I did what my type A personality usually does and “took charge” of the plan to get to the destination. I quickly became frustrated and came to the defeatist conclusion of “I can’t.” But then as soon as I said I can’t, He makes it so He can. Once I released this dream to Him, His dream, He has become relentless with words. Ideas. Topics. His glory. His hope. His rescue.
I am not a writer. I didn’t dream about doing this as a kid like so many I know. Let’s face it, at this point I’m not even a good writer…but God keeps laying out the tools to become better. The people. The opportunities to reveal a dream I didn’t even know I had. As I look back at the recent past few years I can see that this has been building slowly. I have had speaking opportunities. I have been given experiences to write and speak on topics. Experience writing for ministry.
I have no idea what it will end up looking like. But I have dreams. Big ones. The kind Jesus gives.
How did it all begin? This past spring I was invited to an event where there was a female speaker. Her speaking in passion for the same things I have passion for, Jesus, shook loose something in me and I realized I wanted to do that. To influence people with words. I want to love and encourage people with thought. I want to teach them of how much their Father loves them. I want them to hear the words of Christ and allow them to change their life. How do I do it? What platform? Desire became actionable. Opportunities started to reveal themselves.
A few weeks ago while I was in Austin the Lord confirmed His vision he gave me the Spring previous to our move to Tennessee.
One evening as I was studying God’s word he began to prime me to receive what I can only describe as a vision from him. As I was in prayer a picture began forming in my mind. A beautiful picture of a long table in an open grassy field with the Tennessee mountains as a backdrop. A table so long I couldn’t see the ends of it. On the table tops there were gorgeous table cloths of all different patterns. Some were gingham prints; some embroidered with flowers, others were brightly colored with small intricate patterns. None of them matched, yet somehow they were perfect together. They were in perfect unity in the pattern they were laid on the tables. There were a hundred different chairs lining both sides of the table. They too were totally different and non-matching as if they were pulled from formal dining sets, casual kitchens and back yards. Yet they fit and aesthetically were in perfect harmony with one another. As I looked down this long table there was a whisper that simply said, “Come to my glorious table and feast on me.”
During my time in Austin a few weeks ago I was afforded an opportunity to have lunch with a group of women that were starting a contributor blog site that would be a place for women to receive encouragement. I went to the lunch not knowing the full ideas of what they were trying to accomplish. But God had a reason for me to be there. The name of the site is The Glorious Table, which launches October 1. The creator of the community had a vision very similar to mine. Y’all I lost it at the table. It was a confirmation from the Lord that I was on the right track. That this journey I find myself on is real. The calling, His.
It’s scary to share this dream with you all. Sly whispers come to my ears: What if I fail? What if it all crumbles? What if it never comes to pass? What if no one listens? The Lord calms me by reminding me this isn’t MY dream. It’s His. Hope.
What words do I even have to share, Lord? Sometimes it’s a struggle to use the right ones. But lately the words simply come to me. They pour out… Sometimes in the middle of the night. I wake up to my smart phone having strange messages I have to try to decipher from me typing ideas and phrases down in the middle of the night for me to remember the next day. The inspiration comes in the fringe hours. Phrases the Holy Spirit gives, topics to present, stories to share.
There are plenty of nay-sayers. Some of them hitting too close to the heart because of their previous heavy influence on my life. It’s hard. But this is my journey. This is where I am at right now. This is what the Lord is speaking to my heart. I’m excited. I’m nervous. I’m in awe. I’m putting one foot in front of the other as He shows me more of Himself, unveiling and revealing His heart to me. And I want to show it to the world.
So what is your dream? Does it seem too big? If so…then I say it’s just the right size…because that means it’s God-sized.